WHAT IFs, WHYs and WHAT'S HIS

October 11, 2012; the day God gave us our granddaughter, Briley Faith.  The delivery waiting room was filled with excitement and anticipation!  There was no indication or any preparation for what the “room of waiting” would become; a place of daily wait for 61 days.   We now wait for the day to see her again when God calls us all to our heavenly home where we wait no more.

Briley Faith, this precious angel on earth was born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy/Type 0, the most severe.  When we found out she would never come home, well home here, it was a devastating, heart hurting, hope grasping day.  Loud excitement turned to silence in prayer.  In that silence we gave it all to God; He heard us in that very dark hour.  In an instant our heads were lifted, hearts healed and hope restored.  Josh, my son and Briley’s daddy would remind us all, “God’s got this!”  Faith strengthened through the pain, the dark hospital room became a tabernacle of praise, Briley Faith didn’t need her muscles to send His message, and lives were changed!

But, there were times I had wondered what if I had known I was carrying that SMA gene I might had passed on to Josh.  What if I had been tested years ago, Josh tested… what if we had known.  Then through many tears I had for Briley Faith, her mommy, daddy and big brother, I realized “what if” wasn’t in God’s plan.

God continues to remind me of His power plan of greatness, as He did today, as He did while we walked the Briley Faith journey and five years ago during one of my darkest hours… 

Every now and then as part of my daily reading, along with God’s word, I have enjoyed reading the book, “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young.  A week ago today, a little note fell out from between the pages of this book I have read over the years and reminded me of God’s vast love for me… for you.

February 17, 2010.  I remember that day and never want to revisit where I was, where my mind was ever again.  I was not planning on going there, but I did.  Others I knew had been there.  But me?  How did I get to that place when I love to smile, make others smile and my favorite word is “happy”?

That day… 

Sitting in my car parked under some trees and away from the busyness of the building I worked in, like most days, I was having my lunch alone.  I really enjoyed my time in the quiet talking to Jesus, reading His word.  This particular day was a different “alone”.  Although I knew God was always with me, by choice I allowed my mind to shut His light out.  Life in my mind had become haunting and dark, a place of battle; I traveled it, my mind, alone on my own strengths, my way.  For a little while, I basked in self-pity.  To tell you the truth, it felt good to cry “Oh me.” Even though no one else heard, it didn’t matter. The self-pity was a temporary feel good.  No one knew where my mind lived for a while because I didn’t tell them.  My smile told a different story.  Some found out later; long after my despair, darkness, and a dead-end road of understanding why someone would contemplate death.  Yep, that was me.  Perky, positive, pleasant me turned negative; negative within my own self, negative meeting up with more negative and dark becoming darker.  Looking back, life really wasn’t that bad.  I had a good marriage, good church, good friends, good job.  But, I allowed life’s hurdles to take me to the edge.  This 3x5 card tucked away in this book fell out five years later as a reminder for me or for you today.

The writing on the card dated 2-17-10 reads, “What if I didn’t do anything for anyone.  I guess it would be as if I weren’t here to do anything for anyone.”

I remember my thoughts while writing those few words in that climatic moment, “If I stopped helping, encouraging and praying with and for others would I even be noticed?  I was hurting and why couldn’t they hear me?  I always heard them.  Why?”  Although I am geographically challenged, at that time in my state of self-mindedness I understood the way to loneliness, the way to emptiness, the way to darkness, the way to nothing.  Crippling thoughts; these thoughts became my illness; unable to breathe, out of tears, and out of words to pray.  My days consisted of a variety of “hits”; physical and financial blows, disappointment in others, loss of loved ones.  It was as if I was in the boxing ring with Satan.  Too tired to stand, down for the count… 

I camped out at the edge engulfed by “what ifs” for 30 days holding on to these words from that little devotional page dated February 17.  “Don’t try to force-fit today into yesterday’s mold.  Instead, ask Me to open your eyes, so you can find all I have prepared for you in this precious day of your life.”  For 30 days I held on to this verse…  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17; 30 days of hope.

Also written at the bottom right corner of this tattered and worn 3x5 card were the simple words, “But I’m gonna!” with the date 3-17-10.  My “what ifs” were in control until I finally let go and let God show me “what’s His”; as His child, that’s me!  Because I am His I could start new again! So, I changed my focus away from me and back to others as God intended.  I was standing again!  Standing on His promises and following His plan; a plan that does not include “what ifs” and healing began. 

Many of you reading this have been to that dark place like me and determined to never return by taking every thought captive for Christ; think His thoughts.  For some of you, part of your “what if” includes a “why”.  Your unanswered “why” has become a weight of despair.  Because you belong to God you can hang on to what you already know; His truth and faithfulness to His promises, your anchor of hope.  Choose Christ and allow His Way to take care of your “whys”.  Then, there are you who only know darkness because you have never experienced a relationship with Jesus Christ, The Light of the world; your only hope out of darkness.  Hell is full of “what ifs”.  Don’t be one who is saying, “What if I had said, “Yes, Jesus.  I know I’m a sinner and Your blood covers it all.  Please forgive me of all my sin and come into my heart.  I receive You as my personal Savior and become forever Yours.”  It’s time to let go and let God.

Let God have your “what ifs” and “whys”.  Choose today to live as what’s His!  

ROCK OF AGES "I Needed You then, I Need You Now"

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,

let me hide myself in thee;

let the water and the blood,

from thy wounded side which flowed,

be of sin the double cure;

save from wrath and make me pure.

God never changes.  He is still THE ROCK.  The cleft; my hiding place. His precious blood, covers my sin; a daily need.  Oh how I need that Rock! 

You know, I, Briley’s Granna, never thought how much I would learn of the greatness and vastness of that cleft, that blood, that cure… until then.  Until, October 11, 2012 when she was born, never taking a breath on her own.  Until December 11, 2012 when she entered her heavenly home.

Not the labors of my hands 

can fulfill thy law's commands; 

could my zeal no respite know, 

could my tears forever flow, 

all for sin could not atone; 

thou must save, and thou alone.

During that time we reached the point where the labor of the hands of the doctors, the effectiveness of the monitors, machines and medicines did not give hope.  No matter how much the family and I tried to learn of this terrible disease, Spinal Muscular Atrophy that Briley was diagnosed with, no matter how hard the trained minds and hands worked that cared for our precious angel, our zeal did not meet up with rest.  We pressed on with what man had available.  I do have to say though that as a family, we did believe in what God could do from our own experiences of His faithfulness.  But, for me, I have to wonder, was the little light of doubt and screaming the “whys” my lack of belief in what He can and would do?  Tears and prayers.  I was stripped, I was clinging.  God alone was our salvation.  As soon as Josh and Crystal, Briley’s parents, began their total surrender to God, the greatest act of faith, God used it to flow not only to me, to the family, but also to thousands… rest was found.  Peace.  Not man.  Not ourselves.  Only God.  His peace was our daily substance.

Nothing in my hand I bring, 

simply to the cross I cling; 

naked, come to thee for dress; 

helpless, look to thee for grace; 

foul, I to the fountain fly; 

wash me, Savior, or I die. 

The cross, my anchor from sinking.  Stripped of only what the world provides...  Helpless in what I can do… I need You, I need You, oh how I need You.  Not just then, when my heart broke for my granddaughter, my son and his family.  But, now.  I need You now.  I need You today.  Forever.  Therefore, I must cling, I must let go, I must drink from Your fountain of grace, I must submit daily.  Briley Faith did.  Oh, my Father I want to be that!  Help me to do so!  Help me to honor You as she did!

While I draw this fleeting breath, 

when mine eyes shall close in death, 

when I soar to worlds unknown, 

see thee on thy judgment throne, 

Rock of Ages, cleft for me, 

let me hide myself in thee. 

Soon, my day will come.  That day.  The one we say we are ready for, but, are we really?  My soul is.  But… there’s that word.  But…some days when trouble comes or I dwell on the hurts of the world surrounding me, I want the Lord to come quickly.  Then there are days I know there is so much I need to do here, for others but most importantly for God and in that sense I’m not ready.  How can we be on fire to spread God’s faithfulness and grace and then the next day we choose to let the “daily” stop us in our tracks?  How can I let feeling helpless close my eyes to goodness still there?  You might be like me sometimes just wanting to hide in the cleft of the rock and rest.  Take an endless nap. But, you see, the cleft is for peace, protection, to rest and gain strength.  God’s plan for me, for you, must continue.  To receive the best He has for us here on earth we must follow Him, trust His ways.  We must wake up!  

“Faith is nothing but the purpose of the will resting on God’s Word, and saying:  I must have it.  To believe truly is to will firmly.~~ Andrew Murray

I sing this old hymn to my grandson, Reid while rocking him to a peaceful rest or just to soothe his little spirit.  Today it soothed my spirit.  God soothed my spirit.  The Rock of Ages, my hope.  My only hope.  

I AM SMILING

“Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, Whose hope is in the Lord his God.”  Psalm 146:5

You know how they say that nothing surprises God?  Well, that is so true!  To tell you the truth, I think I had a hunch God was up to something at the close of my journey; and boy, I knew it was going to be good!  A smile was on the way!

I had closed my eyes many times within my 61 days before my departure to this indescribable palace of peace where worship is a constant and all is well!  But, when I closed my eyes on December 11, 2012 it was different; deliverance, a healing.  Although I was so excited to leave the monitors, tubes and all behind, I didn’t want to leave behind a sad mommy, daddy and big brother.  What made it easier is I knew God had something great coming their way!  Oh how I wanted to tell them!  So, God gave them comfort through the smile in my eyes.  Not only did He have a healing for me, but, for them, also.

 These last two years has been non-stop activity for me!  The beauty to see!  I've always loved big bows and bling but let me tell you, up here it is ridiculously amaaazing!  The rubies, the emeralds, the crystal sea!  I get to run on streets of gold and hear Gigi laughing as she watches Grandad Hunt dancing!  So much fun getting to see all those I didn’t get to meet there!  The incredible beauty makes me feel sometimes like I need to close my eyes; how could I be worthy of this AND eternal life?  So, with all of this before me, I’m looking here, looking there, dashing around every corner not to miss a thing!  Boy, it sure is good that around here we don’t run out of energy because with continual, “sincere-automatic” worship and checking out every detail of Heaven… the vast beauty… well, even Granna can’t describe it!  It’s just beauty beyond that keeps me busy!

I still love the girly stuff my mommy showered me with.  The precious jewels remind me of her and the angels singing, yeah that reminds me of her, too.  Anything I see that is red I think of my big brother, Jude cause he let me play with his little red truck and he played with the yellow one.  It was the perfect color; the blood of Jesus.  Jude is such a thinker with a deep love for Jesus and Jesus sure likes that!  Every time Jesus speaks it reminds me of daddy reading the Bible to me.  Here I am right here with the One daddy told me about!  How awesome is that?  Since I was gently carried here to my first and only home two years ago today, I have to say my home is perfect and all is well.  So, smile, cause I am.

As soon as I was let in on what my faithful Heavenly Father was up to, I jumped and shouted with excitement, “I’m going to have a baby brother!”  But, it wasn’t overwhelming joy for me, it was that I was so happy for my family!  Of course, I knew that little fella wouldn’t be as cute as me and there is NO WAY daddy would let him wear a bow, even pretending!  So, I will always be the bow princess in the Turner house!  My eyes twinkled with happiness like you’ve never seen on October 29, 2013 when my baby brother, Reid Silas Turner arrived, also in an “unknown”; a gift, a healing he will understand one day.  The way God gave him to us was without any doubt, with a peace, a transfer to arms of love; a home built where love shouts “God is our foundation, security and joy!”… a home built for my baby brother.

Daddy said it best when he said, “Faith is seeing God’s promises behind His commands.”  So you see, there has been healing for all of us; fulfilled promises!

I do want to thank you for remembering me.  Each time you speak my name, each time your heart breaks, each time I see you look to the sky with your hand held high and say “We love you, Briley Faith!”… I hear.  I see.

I am smiling and so should you.

AWAKENED

Morning came early.  4 a.m.  I must pray for Briley Faith.  I will storm the gates of heaven and lay requests for her healing at the feet of Jesus.  Daily.

Two years ago today that was my daily.  I was awakened to the calling of prayer for my granddaughter every morning around the same time for 7 consecutive days.  My soul stirred until I could rest no more; until the words my Heavenly Father spoke rested on paper.  Awakened to instruction.

Some of you know about the 61-day journey Briley Faith tarried on this earth.  You know she never breathed on her own and never got to come home from the hospital.  But, today, as I have many times before, I reflect on her affect.  She never breathed on her own but God used her to give hope to others; a hope that helped them breathe once again and trust the hand of God!  The breath she never took was sacrificed for others.  What an effect!  God-breathed.  Awakened to hope.

The other night, I took my son out to eat for his birthday which he and Briley Faith share.   He says she is the best birthday present he has ever received!  Again, together reflecting on times prior to and after Briley’s birth, reminded us of the grandeur of God’s love!  You see, my husband and I lived in another state.  But, by God’s gentle orchestration He guided us to where we could be close to her and family before she was ever born; before any of us knew there would be complications.  What great love!  What great faithfulness!  I’m awakened once again.

I long to be awakened daily again.  But, I have realized it is by choice.  I must choose to follow instruction, I must choose to walk in hope, I must choose to lean into His love and I must choose faith over fear.

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Briley Faith!  Thank you again for continuing to give your Granna a daily dose; an awakening.  I love you so very much and miss you to extremes!  Thank you for the smiles you have given us all!  Before long we will see you again because I do believe the day of the GREAT AWAKENING is soon to come!

Don't be one of the many who are still asleep to God's grace, hope and love. Right now, this moment is not too late.  Confess your sins and receive His grace!  Contact me and I can help:  www.kfogarty02@gmail.com.  Just please remember there will be a day when ALL will be awakened; a day too late for some.

Romans 14:11-12   For it is written: “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God.”   So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.

KITCHEN TALK

There are so many “recipes” for a happy home out there.  But, a recipe is no good if it is never used or we leave out ingredients.  Besides that, having a happy home or happy heart is so much more than a recipe; it’s a choice.

Several years back, during a much needed quiet time, God spoke to my heart about a choice I was making.  Heartache and disappointment came my way and I had chosen to invite it in to stay.  A choice someone else made was heavy on my heart.  They say home is where the heart is and my heart was broken.

You know, for me, the kitchen, a reflection of the heart, always seems to be a place to go to find happy; food and smiles!  But, during this time it was different.  My life, my home, my “kitchen” became less on the happy daily.  Tears I cried weren’t from cutting onions, or laughing so hard I would cry; tears became more of like the steam from a stewing pot, never-ending.   Sleep became non-existent because I was always in that hot kitchen, by choice, hovering over that steam of debilitation; joy evaporating.

Exhausting all “recipes”, I finally realized there was not one self-ingredient, one perfect stir, or extra dash of advice I could add to that steaming pot that would become the tasteful, happy-making dish of choice I wanted it to be.  I needed the Head Chef; my Savior, my Redeemer, the One with the perfect recipe for me to have a happy home; happiness in my heart.  During my quiet time sitting at the kitchen table it was then I asked God, “How do I move from this place?  How can I be happy again?”  He spoke to my heart so loudly that I turned around to see if He was standing at the stove!  He said, “You can’t live in other people’s choices.  By doing so, you are taking away the joy I am trying to give you each day.”  Immediately, I had the key ingredient; choice!  The recipe was there all the time! Choose God’s word, His promises and words of life; the recipe for happy.

Since that awakening morning, I choose to live in joy daily.  Living happy is a choice in all situations.  It may be relational, financial, emotional, spiritual, or being thrown into an unknown valley that affects all those areas.  A very hard day of my life to choose to live in joy instead of sorrow was when Briley Faith was born, October 11, 2012; it was for all the family. So, you may ask, “How in the world did you awake in joy during a time of sadness with your granddaughter, Briley Faith?  Especially after she was diagnosed with SMA; you knew she would never get to leave the hospital.  You knew her life would be short.  How did you find happy at that extreme of hurt?”  We are not the “Super Hero” family on the block.  We all have heartaches and struggles; some have the key ingredient and some don’t.  Our happiness didn’t rely on Briley Faith being healed this side of heaven.  Our happiness was found in making a choice to receive God’s will.  His will is perfect; the perfect recipe for life.  Although we cried many tears, by accepting His will and then watching Him work throughout all of her 61 days here, the joys we shared far outweighed the sorrows.   Jesus Christ is the key ingredient for you to also have a happy heart.  Receive His gift of eternal life and then get out of the kitchen and let the Head Chef do His thing!  Talk to Him now. 

Romans 3:10  As it is written, there is none righteous, no, not one.

Romans 3:23  For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:12  Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned. 

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through
Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 10:9-11 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt
believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved him shall not be ashamed.

Proverbs 16:20 He who heeds the word wisely will find good,

and whoever trusts in the Lord, HAPPY is he.

The “kitchen”, my heart, is happy because of my talks with Jesus and trusting in what He can do.  Can’t wait to see what He cooks up for tomorrow for I know it will have the sweetest aroma and the taste will be honey to my soul!

FAITH TO FLY

The majority of us are very familiar with this verse:  “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:31.   Like many of you, that verse has given me strength and comfort when I thought I would never fly again.  Broken.

Today I read the entire chapter leading up to that wonderful verse that caps off even more assurance prefaced!  He assures us His word will stand FOREVER!  Over anything and anyone, His word is final and above all!  He assures us He has endured and overcame anything we would ever go through!  He assures us He will lift us!  He tells us to lift up our voice with strength and to not be afraid; lift up our eyes on high and see Who has created all things; my favorite is He tells us He calls us by name and not one of us is missing!!

On October 11, 2012 when my granddaughter, Briley Faith was born, life as we knew it changed.  But, the entire 61 days of her life Jesus was there and still is.  He assured us time and time again!  We had faith and knew even with a broken wing, in His strength we could fly!

GO. DAILY.

dai*ly 

adjective

:occurring, made, or acted upon EVERY DAY; issued EVERY DAY or weekday <daily needs>;

 of or providing for  EVERY DAY <daily schedule>

How could I have been so wrong about what a daily dose is?  Simple logic caught up in fear of rejection, doubt of capability, and just plain busyness.  Recently, I had a dose of God’s word that was my epiphany to this simplicity going the wrong direction; stifled in the mire of “every now and then” exactly where my adversary, Satan loves for God’s children to be.  STUCK.

 In Matthew 28 God says to “Go”!  He didn’t say work your purpose into your schedule, take a break or that can wait. 

Matthew 28:18-20 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.  

Go therefore  and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

God also tells us following Him is a daily; forgetting oneself, leaving the “to do” list blank; waking up every morning in full reservation to God; to His commands, to His list, to His “Go!”

Luke 9:23 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.

GO.  DAILY.

Here’s some great news!   Look at the end of Matthew 28:20!  He assures me, He assures you, “…I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”  God is there, always, to the very end… helping fulfill purposes with daily doses for all.

There is a job to do with God’s perfect will that always includes a victory!   I have chosen to unstick myself; get out of the mire, the do nothing place!  Today I will heed to His command, put actions to the daily and share doses of God’s grace, faithfulness and love to souls within the path of my purpose.

Besides, that, God did not send my granddaughter, Briley Faith, here for the gospel to be shared only during her 61 days here; once truth introduces itself we must continue to introduce it to others; spread the good news throughout our neighborhood, people in our lives.  Though she is now in heaven, she is still in my heart; I see her eyes speaking God’s truth once again.  I must write because God said, “Go”; He said, “daily”.  So, I will seek God and find Him so He may guide me to the “where” and the “who” with the words to share with the lost.  There will be occasional new posts within this blog as I continue efforts in writing a book about the Briley Faith journey.

You might be like I had been and find yourself stuck in the yuck!  It’s your time to break loose!  Don’t fear it, face it; God is with you always!  Get out of that mire of “every now and then”.  Give daily doses of truth to the lost!  Tell somebody what His love is all about!  It’s your purpose!

Go.  Daily.