DAY 50 - UNEXPLAINABLE FAITH, UNINTERRUPTED LOVE, UNSPEAKABLE JOY!

James 1:2-6

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.  But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.

Each time I enter through the sliding glass doors at the Children’s Hospital to see Briley FAITH, I’ve noticed lately that I stand taller.  Shoulders back, marching down the halls… I talk to the Lord for He is my strength.  I am prepared now to walk into the NICU doors to the room at the very end of that hall, with a strength I want my children to be able to draw from.  Yes, they can receive the same that I do, but, sometimes God uses us for others. 

Just like the times I was weak, I drew strength from seeing Josh’s and Crystal’s faith.  By grace through faith we are saved.  Once we have received God’s gift of grace through faith, we can all be used and walk by faith.  Even in the most difficult times of our life, because of Christ, we have a faith that others might not understand… unexplainable faith.  

Several of us were at the hospital yesterday visiting.  As I sat back and watched, I could see the same love that I feel when I talk to Briley… when I tenderly touch her hands or kiss her tiny fingers.  That same love, when singing a song to her and not realizing other people might be listening.  Caught up in the love Briley FAITH brings. When I am with her in the crowded room, it feels as if it is just us two in this bubble of uninterrupted love.  That is how Christ’s love is for us.  A never ending… uninterrupted love.

There has always been beautiful praise music playing in Briley’s room.  Last night her mommy put on a new Christmas CD and it was playing a song that has recently become one of my favorites.  It is one we all know called “Joy to the World”.  But, in this version there is a part in the song that talks about this unspeakable joy…

Joy, unspeakable joy

An overflowing well, no tongue can tell!

Joy, unspeakable joy

Rises in my soul, never lets me go!

(a link to this song is attached below)

Today has brought in a morning of thankfulness!  Thankful because through this trial, Christ has given us His all!  The unexplainable faith, uninterrupted love, and unspeakable joy!  The only way to have it all is to know Christ, the Giver of all. 

When I laid my head down to sleep last night, that song was playing for me in my mind.  I awoke to it still playing over and over again.  My heart plugs in a video… My soul watches…

Josh and Crystal hand in hand walking down the hall… many worshipping together in the atrium… praying for others in the hospital waiting room… Updates from mommy about Briley FAITH bring strength to others… UNEXPLAINABLE FAITH.

Big brother, Jude, passionately reading a book to his baby sister, like I’ve never heard him before… grandparents kissing tiny fingers… Eyes beholding such beauty and grace, not wanting to look away… UNINTERRUPTED LOVE.

Decorative lanterns hanging from Briley’s ceiling, remnants of the mommy/daughter day… Josh shedding tears of gratefulness during local news interview… A phone call from someone who was saved from God using Briley’s story, now knows this joy…  Jesus Christ hanging on an old rugged tree, rises from the grave and is here for us today… UNSPEAKABLE JOY.

Heavenly Father,

This smile on my face feels so much better than the salt I have tasted from the tears I have cried.  All glory goes to You for this!  It is so true there are no words for Your faithfulness, Your love, and the joy that You give!  I am so grateful to You!  I humbly come to You through the blood of Jesus Christ!  I want all Your joy! 

Thank You for being a constant in my life even if I step away at times.  Thank You for being a constant for Briley FAITH, Josh, Crystal and Jude.  Thank You for the constant You are in our family.  Without You we would not know the depths of faith, love and joy You bring.  Without You we would not be complete. 

Your will, Your way…  For our joy and Your glory.  AMEN!

  

Joy to the World (Unspeakable Joy) - Chris Tomlin

DAY 49 - MY HEART'S DESIRE

Psalm 20:4

May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose.

A Poem For Briley FAITH

My Heart’s Desire

I want to hold you from evening till dawn;

to look into your eyes and listen all night long.

To listen again and again to the story you share

of God’s amazing grace and how much He cares!

When our eyes lock or yours dance to my voice

Peace enters my heart, a time to rejoice!

Praising together for all God has done

in using you to glorify the One!

I pray my eyes speak as loudly as your eyes do

Showing my love and that God’s word is true;

and that my actions display a spirit so sweet,

the same I feel when you are with me.

Can you hear what my heart is saying when I am near?

Such a love for you!  Does it speak loud and clear?

When I hold you in my arms I hope you can see

that the smile on my face is the joy that you bring!

Every time I look down on your beautiful face

I know you are God’s gift, a testament of faith.

 So much goodness I see when your eyes speak;

Is that what you hear when you look back at me?

So, my angel, my princess, my precious darling

My heart’s desire is

I’ve given you the same as you continue to give me.

With all my love, Granna

This poem and this blog is a voice for many.  I'm only the one who types.  If you could all be around the other grandparents; PawPaw, Boompa, Mimi, Pops and Idgie you would see that their hearts speak the same.

Briley's mommy, daddy and big brother also have shown the world their heart is a heart for God. 

Briley FAITH’s heart’s desire has been evident since the day she was born.  The desire to fulfill the purpose God has given her.  She has displayed strength, endurance, boldness and FAITHfulness to His calling.

That is God’s desire for us all. 

Heavenly Father,

You are my heart’s desire but I know many times it has not been evident to others.  Forgive me.  I know it is Your desire that I live according to Your purpose for me.  I pray I do so.

I’m humbled at seeing the work that’s been done through Briley FAITH, without one word.  I have a voice and the same message she has shared; I pray I am faithful to Your calling.

Your will, Your way, Your purpose is my desire.  My desire for Briley FAITH and my desire for me.

Through the blood of Jesus Christ I come.  AMEN!

DAY 48 - ARE THEY CRYING FOR YOU?

John 11:35

Jesus wept.

Today, my tears flow differently…not from just my heart, but they are channeling out from the depths of my soul.  Coming from a place where you feel the tears more than see them.  Aching and longing…

The Briley FAITH journey has been full of both sadness and rejoicing.  The “mother thoughts” I am having today are reflecting on tears I’ve seen Josh and Crystal shed… on the decisions they’ve had to make as her parents… the news they’ve had to endure.  Sometimes I want to scream, “It’s just not fair!  Why do they have to go through this?  Why can’t I go through something in place of their trial?  Lord, give it to me, please!”  Then I regroup and rest… breathe and be still… and keep walking in faith.  You see, the strength God gives surpasses the tears I cry.  God has shown us far too much to ever doubt His plan.  So, I just tossed that burden back to Him.  Josh, Crystal and Jude will be fine.  We will all be fine.  But still, there is this ache in my soul that is different from those tears.  Searching… why the tears?

Most people know that the shortest verse in the bible is “Jesus wept.”  As the teardrops rolled down my face, I thought about when Jesus cried and told myself “It’s okay to cry.  Jesus did.”  Well, then it got me thinking about that verse.  Why did He mourn for Lazarus who He knew He was going to raise from the dead?  I know Jesus loved him, but, he knew Lazarus was going to be just fine.  So, why did He cry?  Through my read, I realized all around Jesus was unbelief!  His disciples misunderstood Him, Mary and Martha, Lazarus’ sisters, were upset because Jesus did not get there soon enough to keep their brother from dying; no one believed what Jesus was telling them… that He who is life is the One who gives life!  Jesus wept because no one got it!  He was troubled because of their unbelief. 

It was then I realized why there are tears stirring in my soul…

Briley FAITH’s story has been heard by thousands.  The story of faith, the story of God’s grace… that you can have eternal life if you just repent and believe!  Time and time again someone is hearing the story!  This blog is reaching thousands and I rejoice.  But, I also cry for those who read and still don’t believe.  So many stories from family and friends have been told of God’s faithfulness and are ignored.  Even the recent news coverage on Briley had parts cut out where Josh shared about Christ and all HE has done!  What’s wrong?  They just don’t get it!  And that makes me cry…

It makes me cry because we have a Savior who gave His life for me and for you!  A Savior who’s love never ends and His grace covers all sin!  Still people are deaf to His plea to come.   I cry because my granddaughter, Briley FAITH, is telling the greatest story of all and suffering through it and I know there are some out there that are not listening.  

But, you know, Jesus did not give up because of unbelief!  He knew one day I and others would believe!  Briley FAITH’s story will continue on because there are those who WILL BELIEVE!

Over the years I’ve seen families on their knees shedding tears for their loved ones to believe.  I've even seen a teardrop seep from the corners of Briley's eyes.  I wonder if she is crying for those who aren't believing?  I also think there are teardrops in heaven because of unbelief.  So, I guess that just leaves me with one question.  Are they crying for you?

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You that You hear our prayers!  I come to You through the blood sacrifice that is so precious to me!  My heart is so dark and You love me, still. You amaze me! 

I am so thankful You respond to our cries!  You hear all those souls out there right now that are crying for You!  Who believe You are their only hope!  There are many who want to serve You more who are finally saying “Yes, Lord!”  Praise Your name! 

Our cries to You are tears of thankfulness for all You have done and will continue to do through Briley FAITH!  We can only be grateful.  We still believe You can hand Briley a miracle.  Your will is perfect.  Your way is grace.

May I always have a stirring in my soul for those who do not believe.  To always be available to tell Your story. 

In Jesus’ name I pray.  AMEN!

Link to: Briley FAITH Updates

DAY 47 - MY LOOKING GLASS

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

Have you ever read the story “Through The Looking Glass”?  It is a sequel to “Alice In Wonderland”.  The story is about Alice’s curiosity for what the world is like on the other side of the of a mirror’s reflection.  At the end of this story it goes on to imply life is but a dream. 

Yes, sometimes life gets hard and we end up in a land where we wish we had never traveled.  There are days when our dreams and reality crash… we want to step into a different world… erase and start over; close the blinds and hope the hurt will just disappear.  But, if life were but a dream, I would have a new life when I awake each day.  I don’t want a different life! I want my life!  I want the one God gave me!  If life were but a dream I would miss out on so much!  If life were a dream where would our treasures hide?  If life were a dream, the love I feel and the friends and family I have today would be gone tomorrow!  If life were but a dream I would not want to wake up, because that would mean what I have now really never was.

That is why God’s Word is my looking glass.  The map He has for me to follow is not part of a game.  It is not a dream; it is real.  He is my Savior and my guide, not an imaginary king.  Let me take you on an adventure through my looking glass.  Come on!

The first thing you will see as you step in to my looking glass are arms of love to greet you each day!  Those arms belong to Jesus!  As long as I begin each day with Him, the day’s map is easier to follow.  He is the perfect guide, knows the perfect way, and never lets go of my hand.  No matter how hard my life may seem, I have to have my Jesus; not a dream.

There are some who may take a peek through my looking glass and not want to step in;   especially lately.  They might only see heartache and tears formed as dark clouds and rain. But, it really isn’t what you are seeing, it is how you view it. 

So, if you see a car on the verge of breaking down, take a look again.  You will see a mechanic who understands tough times and gives the customer a break on the cost for repairs; you will also see the blessing God brings through friends who take care of that cost.

If you glance and see a memorial service for a loved one who has passed, I would look again.  It’s actually a picture of love, laughter and memories. 

Do you see the brother-in-law with cancer at stage 4?  If you take another look you will see a man in his 50’s thankful for his next meal. 

Don't stop!  There is more to see!   If you see no hope for a baby in NICU who is frail and on life support, you need to clean the mirror!  Look closely and you will see my granddaughter, Briley FAITH, sharing the hope you did not see.

Another thing you will notice is through my looking glass there are family and friends from everywhere on their knees in prayer and strangers are helping at ever turn making the days brighter!  I have to have my family, old friends and new friends.  I don’t want a dream.

Want to look at life differently?  Do you want to run in the fields and dance with the wind?  Do you want to jump without thinking?  Have you every soared like an eagle?  Guess what?  You can! 

Just open your Bible and you will see, you can have the same looking glass as me! 

Briley FAITH holding the

"Looking Glass" of Truth.

Heavenly Father,

You are great and mighty!  All Your works are a witness that You are my reality; You are real!  Praise You, God!!

I am so thankful Your Word is truth!  Thank You for Your promises within!  My heart still aches for Briley FAITH, her mommy, daddy and brother, when I look through these human eyes.  But, once I take another look through Your eyes, I see Your promises, peace and healing!

All glory to You!

In Jesus' name I come through the blood that is real!  AMEN!

    

DAY 46 - DRINKING AGAIN!

Psalm 42:1

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, my God.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 at 5:49 p.m., 17 days after Briley FAITH was born, was a moment I will never forget; the first time to ever hold this precious angel.  It was definitely a surprise!  None of us grandparents thought we would ever get that opportunity.  She is hooked up to so much and very fragile.  I always held Briley in my heart, but now, that day, I actually got to hold her in my lap!  I posted a picture in yesterday’s blog if you want to see this special one in my lap.

That moment, that special time with her was so peaceful.  I rested, loved, sang, breathed deeper and smiled a lot.  We talked with our eyes locked as if saying, “Let’s not let this moment end.”  Although, that day and moment ended, it will never end in my heart.  My heart is always a place I can go and drink from the joy that lies within.  

PawPaw and I left the hospital with big smiles! On the drive  home I noticed there was a lot of traffic on the interstate. Headlights in the dark zoomed by.  Were all these people in a hurry to get to somewhere, anywhere or nowhere?  In urgency for really nothing?  To get to the “going out of business” sale that happens every year at the same store?  Rushing home to watch an episode of a “Survivor” to later find out you could have survived not watching it?  In and out of traffic rushing with the rest of the world… is that really life?   

As I am looking out the window my thoughts are interrupted… in the middle of this “rush of life” my mind zeros in… “What is that on the side of this busy interstate?  Is it a person who needs help?”  My eyes are fixed… locked in, on this object sitting in the dark.  Finally, we come upon this beautiful buck lying down with his neck stretched upward, facing the cars that are racing by.  One thing I notice is that he’s at rest.  Nothing startles him.  Although it happened so quickly, the vision of this bold strength is forever etched in my mind.  With the rush around him he is calm, he is satisfied.

Suddenly, I find my mind is back in the hospital room holding my granddaughter.  Then it reflects on all the sweet times I’ve had with my grandson sitting in my lap telling me “I love you so, so, so, so, so much!”  It feels so good as I remember special times with my children, husband, family and friends.  Then, another memory… I can see it like it was yesterday! There I am at church accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior!  The more I drink in these wonderful memories the more often a smile appears on my face!  The more I drink in the living water, the more strength and peace He gives!  Drinking again and again…happier, stronger, calmer!

The deer on the side of this busy highway was telling a story to those who would listen.  But, I’m afraid many passed on by in their hurriedness… not even noticing.  I think sometimes we get so caught up in the “whirlwind of wasted time” that we have become immune to the important things in life.   

The story is that sometimes it takes a death, tragedy or a deer on the side of the road to slow us down and refocus.  That is fact.  Most of us have been there.  Then we come to realize the most important part of everyday.  It is resting in Him, loving each other, singing in the rain, holding your children and grandchildren, and smiling more while making memories that matter.  Then, you too, will be going often to that place where the living water flows and memories are stored, drinking again, and again, and again!

Heavenly Father,

When I am in the rush of the world I notice that I lose that joy and I am weak.  Thank You for Your faithfulness though I sometimes lose focus.  Thank you that Your living water never runs dry!  It satisfies all my needs and calms all my fears.  You bring me such happiness that it makes me want more of You. 

Thank You for taking care of Briley FAITH with Your healing springs.  We know she will always be resting in Your lap.

Thank You for giving us what the world can never take away; living water. 

In Jesus’ name I come.  AMEN!

Link to: Briley FAITH Updates

DAY 45 - IS IT DESERT OR DESSERT?

Psalm 34:8

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

 “What about my desires?”  Many of us have asked God this question before, as I ask Him today.  “What about my feelings and my pain?”…  “Why do I have to make these decisions?”…  “Why is it that every time I turn around, my heart is tearing?”...   “Why is my life different than what I thought You had planned?”…  “Lord, am I near the end of this trail of exhaustion?"...  "Are there springs in this desert?"...  "Where are You?”

Out of tears, out of words, out of thoughts, out of prayers, even out of the desire to eat or drink.  To just be…  Ever find yourself in that place?  Are you there now?   Do you feel like you are in the desert; dry and void of life?  Each time you take a step of faithfulness does it also come with a struggle? 

In our Sunday School class today, God used our pastor in giving us a drink from God’s word.  Let me share it with you.  Philippians 1:29 “For to you it has been granted (or given to us) on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake.”    Suffering is a gift.  The gift is to believe by resting upon Christ and to suffer by relying on Christ. 

My “aha” moment… In my weakness He is my strength!  He never leaves me or forsakes me!  He is my peace in the valley!  THE DESERT IS THE DESSERT!

There is no going from one to the other, He feeds me along the way and gives me drink.  He is not a mirage, He is REAL!  My Hot Fudge Sunday!  My Dessert!

I started this post off asking the question I asked God this morning, “What about my desires?”  My desires, and what I thought was His plan, have changed drastically since we moved here from Texas.  There have been a lot of tears and struggles.  My desires for my granddaughter, Briley FAITH;  my desires for my son and his family; my desires for my daughter; my desires for my husband;  my desires for me… all different now.  It took today to help me to discover the real meaning of “taste and see that God is good”.  In the desert is where He reveals to us that no matter what trail of exhaustion we are on, His way is perfect;  to learn from the desert and delight in the dessert! 

Part of my dessert this week was getting to hold Briley FAITH for the very first time.  As I reflect on that day, I think of what her desires might be…

I’m sure her desires would be for us to stop the sadness and rejoice in gladness!  Remove the gloom and see God’s glory!  Replace the pain with praise!  And in the desert, enjoy the dessert!

I don’t know what desert in life you are walking, but just know that God is there.  Taste and see that He is good.

Heavenly Father,

When I'm at this point in the desert where I've exhausted everything, nothing left, it's hard to know what to pray anymore.  Thank you for the phone call from my dear friend reminding me to remain faithful, to keep the FAITH!  Keep pressing on!  So, here we are, once again.  Through the precious blood of Jesus Christ, I come.  I come asking You to please forgive me of all of my sins, which includes doubting You in the desert.

So, I thank You for Your never ending feast of grace!  Thank You for Your spoonfuls of mercy!  Thank You for the meat of Your Word!  Your nourishment is all I need.  I praise You for it!

Thank You for the reminders You give me daily through my precious granddaughter, Briley FAITH.   I would not have seen the fullness of this gift without the suffering. 

I’m trusting.  I’m resting.  I’m breathing.  I’m suffering.  I’m relying. 

In the desert I have found dessert!  I have found You!

In Your name I pray.  AMEN!

Me and my dessert, 

Briley FAITH.

DAY 44 - BY DESIGN

Ephesians 2:10

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Matthew 5:16

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Have you ever wondered what a baby is thinking?  Well, those of you who read my blog should know by now, I do.  Especially, Briley FAITH.  But, I also have to remind myself, doesn’t God want us to come to Him as children; no barriers, complete trust, receive the truth and be on our way?  I know when I do, life is so much simpler to understand.  He designed us that way; to trust Him, to be like Him...

When I was in mommy’s tummy she would talk to me.  It was like we were already best friends before I was even born!  She didn't know it, but she made me smile when I heard her say, “I hope you look like me!”  Now, I know why she said it!  Have you seen my brother?  Have you seen my dad?  You can't tell them apart except for height, weight and age!   So mommy deserves for me to look like her!  Besides that, have you seen my mom?  Bea..u..ti..ful!!

Now in the “real world” I hear several people say I look like mommy.  Then others say I look like my brother.  Granna probably even thinks I look like her!  My nurses want to look like me…I think it is because they love all my clothes and bows!  Well, today I met this guy they call Santa Claus.   It would not surprise me if he thought I looked like him, too!  My vote counts and I say…hmmm…I say…I look like…Jesus!

I look like Jesus!  I don’t even have to look in the mirror to know it cause he told me first.  While he was forming me, he said I am his design and people will know I am his child!  I think most people say I look like him!  When they see me they know I am HIS!

Who do you look like? 

Heavenly Father,

How glorious is Your name in all the earth!  I come to You through the blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ.

When I look at Briley FAITH, I see You.  Glancing down on her I see You, perfection!  When our eyes lock, I see a reflection of You!  Thank You, for this example in a little package.  I know You are with her always because when I look upon her, it is You I see.

I hope when people look at me, they see You!  Your formed me to reflect You, Your glory.  I am also Yours by design.

In Your name I pray.  AMEN!