Saturday, February 27, 2016
If I did today what I did for those sixty-one days… does fear lead to faith, tragedy to trust, helplessness to hope?
My morning would be peaceful because of the assurance that God was in control. Thoughts of you, my dear Briley FAITH would bring tears, of course, that’s just how it is; you are my granddaughter. At that time you were in the hospital never to reside in your earthly home. But, your own little room at home was so beautiful with details of love placed by mommy, daddy and big brother, Jude. We accepted the fact the only earthly room you would have would be at Children’s Hospital. So, the same was done there… every detail was with love through cards, prayers, encouraging words, visits. Every person who entered your room entered with love and left with much more. I know for me, I left not only with a greater love for you, but a greater love for Christ. I miss it. So, I say to myself, today “What do I need to do to return to that total surrendered, unhindered commitment and love for Christ?” The answer, self-examination. It never was Christ leaving me; He was always there, He IS here with me… I left. Of course, you know all that. I realize by allowing in self-doubt in what I can do, by allowing distractions and even pride cause gaps from glory; His glory.
My days then…
In my little red, two door Saturn I head to the hospital and some days it’s quiet communication WITH God. Other days the music is cranked up and I’m singing praises TO God. Then there are times I’m reflecting on the proven power OF God. HE was a constant. I lived in His presence, danced in His praises and counted on His promises.
Walking the halls of the hospital to your room, or in the waiting room, I saw many who also had a heavy heart. While praying for them I hung on to “My yoke is easy and my burden’s light.”; a promise.
Oh I could not wait to enter your room and see what God had to say to me through your precious eyes. You were so attentive and I to you because it was God speaking. In this self-examination I must realize He’s still speaking. You see when you left, so did my realization of the power of God living within me. I became self-reliant and therefore the gap began. My doubt became Satan’s tool. This doubt in my abilities shut down my capabilities in possibilities through God; His will, my calling. I am now awake to that power within! It’s not me, it never was me, it’s Him, His power and His glory. Doubt erased!
Leaving you each day was hard yet not dark. Even in my drive back home I recognized a keen awareness of God’s presence in my surroundings; not only while with you, but everywhere! In His presence my heart cried for several reasons. Tears of sadness, thankfulness, humbleness… all flowed to the hand of God catching them and making life beautiful.
During those sixty-one days, once entering my home God’s presence never left because He lives IN me. I, WE, would sit at the computer…He begins to write through me, His will, my calling. Words flowed because there was no gap, no distractions, no doubt, “no self”. Many times I walked away in tears praying for God to use me, use those words. I had faith in Him and not myself. The gap must be closed for His will to flow.
Briley FAITH, my precious granddaughter, I’m more thankful than thankful could ever be for you and those sixty-one days; your sacrifice, your willingness to let God work, your total surrender, even life. Again, God used you for me. I needed this dose; this face-off with “self”.
I need to live each day as if it were one of the sixty-one.
If there is anyone of you reading this that feel an emptiness or incapable of doing what you know you are to do that brings glory to God, through this self-examination I’ve learned the answer. If you have said “no” many times and still feel that life is just “stuck”, no flow, I know what the road block is; SELF. Once removed the flow begins! He was there, He is there. Let go and live a life of freedom and fullness because of His faithfulness!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13