Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.
During that time we reached the point where the labor of the hands of the doctors, the effectiveness of the monitors, machines and medicines did not give hope. No matter how much the family and I tried to learn of this terrible disease, Spinal Muscular Atrophy that Briley was diagnosed with, no matter how hard the trained minds and hands worked that cared for our precious angel, our zeal did not meet up with rest. We pressed on with what man had available. I do have to say though that as a family, we did believe in what God could do from our own experiences of His faithfulness. But, for me, I have to wonder, was the little light of doubt and screaming the “whys” my lack of belief in what He can and would do? Tears and prayers. I was stripped, I was clinging. God alone was our salvation. As soon as Josh and Crystal, Briley’s parents, began their total surrender to God, the greatest act of faith, God used it to flow not only to me, to the family, but also to thousands… rest was found. Peace. Not man. Not ourselves. Only God. His peace was our daily substance.
Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.
The cross, my anchor from sinking. Stripped of only what the world provides... Helpless in what I can do… I need You, I need You, oh how I need You. Not just then, when my heart broke for my granddaughter, my son and his family. But, now. I need You now. I need You today. Forever. Therefore, I must cling, I must let go, I must drink from Your fountain of grace, I must submit daily. Briley Faith did. Oh, my Father I want to be that! Help me to do so! Help me to honor You as she did!
While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee.
Soon, my day will come. That day. The one we say we are ready for, but, are we really? My soul is. But… there’s that word. But…some days when trouble comes or I dwell on the hurts of the world surrounding me, I want the Lord to come quickly. Then there are days I know there is so much I need to do here, for others but most importantly for God and in that sense I’m not ready. How can we be on fire to spread God’s faithfulness and grace and then the next day we choose to let the “daily” stop us in our tracks? How can I let feeling helpless close my eyes to goodness still there? You might be like me sometimes just wanting to hide in the cleft of the rock and rest. Take an endless nap. But, you see, the cleft is for peace, protection, to rest and gain strength. God’s plan for me, for you, must continue. To receive the best He has for us here on earth we must follow Him, trust His ways. We must wake up!
“Faith is nothing but the purpose of the will resting on God’s Word, and saying: I must have it. To believe truly is to will firmly.~~ Andrew Murray
I sing this old hymn to my grandson, Reid while rocking him to a peaceful rest or just to soothe his little spirit. Today it soothed my spirit. God soothed my spirit. The Rock of Ages, my hope. My only hope.