Monday, December 10, 2012
DAY 53 - MY JOURNEY TO FULL
I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Not long ago, I read a book called “One Thousands Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. In this book she is in search of learning to say “Yes” to God’s plan and to recognize the gifts He places in front of her every moment of every day. At one point in the book she describes that there is an emptiness to her fullness. That really spoke to me.
Since our move from Texas to Arkansas I have been learning about what it really means to empty of one’s self…
Six months ago when my husband and I were in Texas there were situations we went through teaching us contentment and just resting in God’s plan; seeking Him and taking His lead. We had to learn to let go. To let go and let God have His way. To be content every step of the way. All we knew was, God was directing a big change in our lives. Even though we did not understand it all, even though at times life seemed chaotic, we were left with only to trust Him. It meant to empty out our tears, empty out our desires and empty out our plans right into the hands of His will, His way.
Those steps of emptying came with hard times and many tears. It came with falling down and getting back up. It came with seeking God more and relying less on what we could do… the journey to full. Little did we know how full it would be.
Those steps led us to Arkansas closer to children and grandchildren. We knew one day we would be here, but, definitely did not think it would be this soon. God knows best… the empty is worth it.
Four months after the move, our granddaughter, Briley FAITH was born! My heart leaps every time I think of her! What joy she and her big brother, Jude, bring to me!
My plan… move here, have the blessing of being here for the birth, and a bigger blessing watching Briley and Jude full-time starting November 26, 2012. That date is marked boldly on my calendar! How I longed for that day to come. Granna was ready!
God’s plan, my emptiness…
Briley FAITH was born with SMA/Type 0 and not expected to live very long. The doctors said she will never get to go home with mommy, daddy and Jude. She will not be getting to go over to Granna’s and play and sing together with Jude... I was empty, just empty. Suddenly, thankfulness starts to emerge. Then little by little a river of peace starts to fill back up what life took from my soul. God got us here right on time! I needed to be here, now. Not next month, not this time next year, but now. I am filled with thankfulness for His perfect timing!
I walk the halls hearing babies cry… I want to hear Briley cry! My eyes once again are blurred by tears of emptiness. Before long it doesn’t bother me anymore because I can hear her voice! It is resounding with praise as God uses her story to tell the world of His amazing grace! God uses her to speak fullness into my soul.
Looking around her hospital room at times seems so surreal. Are we really here? Is that my grandbaby all hooked up to those monitors? Tubes in the way of little precious lips I want to kiss so badly??? Emptying is so painful. But, it didn’t take long before I started listening to music playing in the room. Music that soothes the hurts and words of hope that calm the fears. This hospital room transformed into a sanctuary of praise! A curtain of grace hides the obvious. Each time I empty He is there to fill.
My “road trip” required my wants to empty for His fullness to begin. Time after time He has proven His faithfulness in my emptiness… in my journey to full.
Many of you have been on the Briley FAITH journey with us. Millions of prayers have been laid at God’s throne and oceans of tears you have cried. Thank you for so faithfully walking with us!
To Your throne I come once again asking forgiveness of anything that could get in the way of Your work, Your plan, Your way.
I praise You for Your faithfulness! No matter how much I hurt, the emptying comes with Your promises. Thank You!
You know I, we, still hurt… give us the strength to continue the journey to Your fullness.
Sometimes I don’t know what to say, but, I know You hear me and I praise You for it!
So for now I’ll continue to empty my tears, desires and plans into the hands of promise that will lead me on my journey to full.
In the name of Jesus I pray. AMEN!